wrigley field is MILF paradise
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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