i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
