he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
