that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
