Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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