Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.

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(217): View more from Illinois

you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...

(1-217): View more from Illinois

please don't ever take me to a strip club again...

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know

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(404): View more from Georgia

I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.

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(313): View more from Michigan

its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.

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(224): View more from Illinois

Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.

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(810): View more from Michigan

so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night

(1-810): View more from Michigan

About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'

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