It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
