My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
