The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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