i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
