Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your penis caused this!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
