Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize