I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
