I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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