hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
