is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
