booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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