thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
