You made me cry and you don't even care
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so that wasnt chicken after all
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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