I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
