Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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