My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
