can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We have so much sex to catch up on
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
