yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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