i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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