Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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