I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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