Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
