I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just had sex on a roof
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
