you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize