farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize