she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
