apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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