What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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