hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
