I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
