Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
