Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
