P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
