It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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