I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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