you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
