You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
