I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
