I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just google imaged poop.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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