Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
