Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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