Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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