Your dad touched me again.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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