ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
