I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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