Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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