No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
