All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
