Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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