the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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