I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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