Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
