That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
