Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
