Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
