addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
