I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
