Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
