I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
