I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Panties = found
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
