Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
