I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
