I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
