soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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