i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
