i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There r osticjed everywhere
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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