I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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