We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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