my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize