Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
