i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
